This quilt is about motherhood, growth, change, acceptance, pain, love, compassion, and hope. It was inspired by finding this tiny preemie outfit in storage, and the work of artist Russell Barratt who uses whole clothes and dots in his work.

My son recently went through a very hard couple of years. I tried to support but also give him space to live his life, and I did both very imperfectly. It was really difficult not to be consumed by worry, and not to feel like everything was somehow my fault. I made this quilt, using clothes that were worn by my boy 19 years apart, not for him but for myself, to work through what I was feeling during this sad and stressful time.

The prayers of my upbringing are foreign to me now. I let them go a long time ago. Instead, I borrow the words from the Buddhist tradition metta, or lovingkindness meditation. I meditate on these phrases and wish them for myself as a young mother, for my present-day self, and for my son at all of his ages and stages. I do my best to hold all versions of us in tenderness and compassion. As I write this now, my son is doing much better. Here’s to even better days ahead.

I made the applique dots by printing photos onto pink vellum, cutting them into circles, adding some handwriting, layering them onto fabric, scanning them and sending them to Spoonflower to print onto fabric. The applique and quilting were all done by (my) hand. Mitch Hopper took photos.

There are many versions of Metta but this longer version is the one I use most frequently:

(first you say it for yourself)

May I be filled with lovingkindness.

May I be safe from inner and outer dangers.

May I be well in body and mind.

May I be happy and at ease.

(then you say it for someone else, an individual, a group, or the world)

May you be filled with lovingkindness.

May you be safe from inner and outer dangers.

May you be well in body and mind.

May you be happy and at ease.